LIVING THE GYPSY LIFE...

Ch-ch-ch-change Hit Me Like Puh-puh-puh-POW!

2010-11-10T07:47:00.001-06:00

Yikes! Life has sorta…happened since I was blogging last. I got a new job, my relationship status has been under some serious renovation, I got a new car, my home life got turned upside down in ways that I thought surely would make me go insane…and now I’m moving. What? I can’t hear you over this whooooshing sound that life is making!! It’s like being stuck inside a wind tunnel and I can barely keep up. One thing’s for certain…there is lots of change; some good, some bad, some scary and overwhelming (but good).

Work-In August I started doing communications and marketing for a waterjet cutting company...plus a whole laundry list of other things I’ve been stupid enough to say yes I’ll do. I don’t know if you are familiar with waterjet cutting...but basicly we cut shit with water! It’s totally steampunk. Well…kinda.

As far as the company itself goes, the job’s ok. It’s small so the atmosphere is laid back, which is nice. The lines of communication are open and the “higher ups” are very understanding. However, there has never really been a set way of doing things so stuff can be pretty scattered and hectic. I can get pretty frustrated with how they’ve “organized” things in the past but I’m turning that around. OCD Power Activate!! Eventually I won’t go effin’ crazy every time I try to find something or start something new and I’ll actually be able to get through a day feeling productive. Even on a bad day; at least I’m working right? Things had gotten kinda tense there for a while when I didn’t have any income.

Relationships – Well…all’s good there, different but good, at least in my opinion. Monkey and I had a mutual split a month or two ago and are now hovering in a much healthier friends state. My relationship with Ren is still very much in tact and we are doing wonderfully. I’m a very lucky girl to have such awesome guys in my life. I’m very thankful and happy with how my relationships are working out. The universe has been kind to me there.

Car – I traded cars with my mom. That means I’m driving a Saturn Ion now instead of the Truck. Which means I’m able to afford being more mobile and fuel for my commute to work is much more manageable. However, I’m going to have to figure out how to pay for the inspection, title transfer, Texas registration and insurance coming up. Challenging but not impossible. Is now a good time to point out the donate button on my contacts page? …oh common!…what’s the point of shame, anyway?

Home – Things got kinda stressful for a while. It’s a pretty involved story but I guess the short of it is that Bob, our landlord/roommate, brought home a 16 year old runaway kid (that was here on a Visa from Thailand) he found while he was out on a haul. Apparently the kid’s uncle had threatened to send him back to Thailand because of his behavior and the kid decided to run away to solve the problem. (red flag, anyone?) Anyway, Bob opted to help the kid, got legal guardianship of him and the kid moved in with us. (Note that the change was never discussed with us, it was just dropped on our laps, and the exceptional communication that made our house so awesome felt it’s mortality and the downward spiral ensued). It made for a very stressful living situation. There was lots of yelling and more negative energy to seep into the walls than any one house should have to hold. The kid is rude, hateful and beyond disrespectful; it was hard to put up with. Plus, most of the time Bob was on the road, which left no authority figure for the kid. He did what he wanted when he wanted, regardless of how it affected others and there was no one to keep his behavior in check. Watching how the kid would use and take advantage of Bob made it worse. Bobby has his quirks, but who doesn’t? We really do care about the guy. He’s really been there for us in some sticky situations this past year. All in all, the house had become a very unpleasant living situation. The term “Home” was no where near valid anymore.

Now Ren and I are in the process of moving. We had already decided to make plans to exodus at the beginning of the year so we’d have some time to save the cash to go. However, we found out last Monday that Bob wasn’t going to be keeping the house and that we had 30 days to find something else. I started researching places and then Wednesday he and I went to the top apartment on my list. We liked it and our applications were approved so I got the paperwork going. Fortunately they were running a very good special, otherwise I’m not sure how we’d have made things work out in 30 days (much less a week). We got our keys on Friday and Saturday we spent our first night in the new place. We got most of our stuff moved over the weekend, but Bob has said that we could take our time, so there are a few things we are working through…for instance the garage. It’s scary in there. We’ll be having a garage sale at the end of the month. Most of what’s out there will go to that.

I love the new place. It is pretty much exactly what we were hoping to find, in a price range we can afford. I’m really looking forward to making it a home. I’ve got that nesting bug…that powerful need to make everything “just so” and give the space personality that matches ours. I’m really glad to be in a new environment where I can reset and have more control over it’s evolution. If something goes wrong here, it’s within my power to fix it…which isn’t something I could say about the Lawnmeadow house.

So…the conclusion? Change change change….buzz buzz buzz. Movin’ on up, though. Life is good.

2010-10-21T12:05:00.002-05:00

Birthday Reflections for #25

This is something I have done in my paper journal for several years, now. I thought I’d share it this year, too.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.” - Charles Swindoll

The 25 things I’ve realized this year....

Patience isn't my virtue, but I'm working on it. Lately life has seen to it that I have daily practice (and the exams aren't easy either).
Sometimes what is right is right in front of you, even if it isn't easy to admit.
If something is weighing on your heart, say it--even if you're afraid you might hurt feelings. Be thoughtful in how you do it, but you might be surprised to find you aren't the only one that feels that way.
I have an uncanny intuition that manifests it's usefulness in many ways....However it can be a bit glitchy when used on internal matters. I think it might be user error, though.
I am able to see things (skills, talent, strengths) in others that they may not have been able to see in themselves--Even in people I've just met. (I often struggle to see my own skills, talent and/or strengths, however.)
"Best Friends" can mean a lot of things.
You don't have to explain everything to everyone.
While I'm very self aware, my self-control could use some work.
Often my "shyness" has more to do with social laziness and insecurity than actual shyness.
I can NOT lie to others but lying to myself; that is something I do VERY well.
I often agree to things before I think them through, and then later realize I bullied myself into saying yes to something I should have declined. I don’t like saying no, even if it’s the right answer. I feel like I’m letting someone down.
Life hands out challenges like candy on Halloween night...but occasionally she lets something truly special slip in and surprise you.
I make a lousy pen pal. There, I said it.
Happiness is what you make it. "Happiness is a habit--cultivate it" - Elbert Hubbard.
I crave change and delight in crisp, new experiences (which is good)...but, unfortunately, I default to leaving and starting over instead of working a problem from every angle first.
I'm not comfortable with how easy it is for me to disconnect from the people and things I care about. I think what started as a defense mechanism has grown into a weakness.
Be grateful...and the Universe will bless you.
When all else fails, hug a ferret!
Self discovery doesn’t come with a map...you have to draw it out as you find the edges. The key is to keep moving forward
Family doesn't necessarily mean blood.
I influence my own experiences. Good or bad; it's my perspective and attitude that has the power to define it.
Pumpkin flavored anything rules my free will. I can't resist it's tasty, spicy evil.
Lasting, romantic love is not something you "find". It’s something you make. A spark can make a roaring fire, but if you do not continue adding something to burn, the fire will die.
Balance is a constant endeavor. The pursuit never ends...but it's always worth it.
Life is about the journey...so it's ok to take the scenic rout (Just don't forget your compass and canteen)

2010-07-23T17:35:00.009-05:00

Distractions. Those things that get you off your path and make you squander time that sometimes uncover treasure along the way, but nevertheless take you further from your original goal.

Consulting Mr. Dictionary (.com) gets us this definition:

distraction
   n 1: mental turmoil; "he drives me to distraction"
   2: an obstacle to attention
   3: an entertainment that provokes pleased interest and
      distracts you from worries and vexations [syn: {beguilement}]
   4: the act of distracting; drawing someone's attention away
      from something; "conjurers are experts at misdirection"
      [syn: {misdirection}]

Distractions get a pretty bad wrap, and I often fall victim to their impish ways. However, I’ve been rather blessed by some of the bunny trails I’ve taken in my life. It was a distraction from my original goals that brought me to Texas where I would eventually start Creative Motion. If it wasn’t for that particular distraction I wouldn’t have some of the people in my life that I can’t imagine doing without now. Some of the most important “plot elements” of my life story would be completely different, I would be completely different.

So how do we determine the good distractions from the bad ones? At what point can we say “that wasn’t a bunny trail. That was just a path. I’m glad I took it”. Life is full of twists and turns, up hill climbs and down hill slides, main roads and pathways barely there. But when we look up and realize that we’re been chasing ourselves in circles, with all the distractions and abstractions taking us off our heading how do we find the balance between the adventure of “getting lost on purpose” (one of my favorite things to do) and reaching our goals?

I don’t want to be the kind of person that gets so focused on an end result I don’t notice the scenery and become blind to the idea that sometimes the “heading” isn’t where I need to end up. But I also don’t want to get so whimsical with adventure that I can’t trust myself to reach a true goal. I’m a go-getter, I make things happen...but I’m a wanderer as well. Sometimes I just have to highlight the question for myself. I roam life with a compass that doesn’t point north--A useful tool until I forget.

2010-07-16T15:15:00.002-05:00

Sometimes life runs away with you and it becomes necessary to stop, take a breath and hit reset. Needing to start fresh can apply to all kinds of things: attitude, perspective, creative endeavors, relationships, career or education opportunities, responsibilities, house keeping, physical health, living situations, political views, spiritual paths, ideas, you name it…and some times there’s a combination of things that need a new sheen. Occasionally what starts as one small thing left unchecked can morph into your entire life feeling off kilter. Balance is key.

This is me, stopping to smell the roses, taking a long look in the mirror and really coming to grips with the fact that I don’t quite recognize the once radically awesome chick staring back at me. I lost my balance. I lost my way. Sounds like setting out on the adventure to find her again is in order, no?

So, here’s the part where I grapple that one lucid moment that brought to light the understanding that things were spiraling away from my goals; the break in the storm that illuminated just how completely “not me” I have come to feel. Grapple…and harness; use it, fix it, and bounce back. That’s something I like about myself…I can get off track like anyone else…but I’m tough as nails when it counts and I tend to spring back pretty well once I get a handle on what’s going on. So what is going on? That’s the part I’m working on sussing out now.

I tend to be rather introverted most of the time. I internalize just about everything, which can be exhausting, and because that’s the case, I tend to need more time to recharge than some people. When I don’t take that time…I fall off the map, lose myself and the longer I wait to scrape the “emotional sludge” off the more contaminated I begin to feel. Well, lately…I dropped the ball on the self-scrub and now I’m paying for it.

Calling into question what it means for me, personally to “recharge” is going to be a big part of the fix, I think. Just being by myself isn’t enough, just doing something that I like to do isn’t enough, just being in an environment that I enjoy isn’t enough. I’ve got to spend some time really focusing on what it means to find my center, and what it really takes for me to recharge. Then, more importantly, I have to follow through with actually doing it regularly. Regular maintenance on the psyche and the soul, you know.

Tonight I’m going out to do something I really enjoy doing: dancing at a local, very laid back and friendly goth club. I usually find myself dancing at this place ‘til muscles I didn’t even know I had blaze and I can barely move the next day, before coming home with buckets less stress and a self-insightful illumination or two. I’ll try to use this time to meditate on things a bit and see what clues I can find inside myself.

Unfortunately, and my gamer-pals will feel me on this one, there is no instant reset button on my emotional health…so I’m going to have to do it manually. It will take time and determination but I think my head is in the right place to get it done. Nothing like an adventure! I’ll grab my compass and spy glass and set sail on my favorite ship:“Self Discovery”. Don’t worry…I’ll send post cards…and let you know if I find myself.

2010-05-21T10:45:00.000-05:00

"When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself." Shunryu Suzuki

2010-05-14T21:01:00.000-05:00

A Little Food, Fun, and Flow

Warning: Blog has been written while the author was under the influence of hunger. He claims no responsibility for damage to the centers of the brain dealing with processing corny food metaphors… pun intended.

Guest blogger Julian McNichols, back for seconds!

Okay, so last week’s fresh-baked batch of failure was less than appetizing, but it can only be fodder for this week’s sourdough. I found, sitting down to that blog, that trying to describe flow and flow ideas outside the context of an actual instance of it is like nothing short of describing the sun to an earthworm. Let’s change that, shall we? Over this week, I’ve thought a lot about flow and my experiences with it. What made me flow in one instance, but merely an effective active force in another. Let me state, this line of thinking did not work. I took a break from it all to tool around on the computer, and that’s when I discovered the following.

“The stars stood on glass pillars; the planets, on a tangle of strings and forgotten destinies. Nowhere to be found was the puppetmaster, the clock keeper, who had long since grown weary and retired from his tarnished workings. Beneath the winking of stars whose lives had burned black so long ago, a race of men teetered on the edge of its grave, their mouths yet filled with the inscrutable coldness of birth and their eyes not beholding of their own existence at all. They had no name for themselves, was the clay and water that shaped them not of their brothers? The stars shiver and the panorama narrows. Black shapes singing the tune of their demise long before the strangers came, the poor unsuspecting things had no conception that already the faces in their mirrors were no longer of their own crafting. As the flicker, hope, burns low; the fountain flowed inward and all that remained was writing in the sands. No purpose other than to be given purpose. No meaning than to be guess upon.”

This, my friends, is not the beginning to a book I’d written. Nor is it one of those passing whims of my muses that found itself upon a digital page. It’s the biographical data for a character on an MMO I play: City of Heroes. In this little square, populated by others with little more than chunks of fragmented sentences and grammatical mistakes that could make any English teacher suffer an aneurism, I’d created this almost three years ago. I sat perplexed at it when I’d curiously pulled open my character’s info card to see what was taking up that 1000 characters of space at the time. How had I done this in such an inauspicious place?

After I finished sucking on the raw lemon that was my realization, I gathered that this was precisely the kind of thing I’d been desperately (and ambiguously) trying to get across only a week (six days, technically) earlier. It was something that had emerged from me when I was bored with the empty space of those character descriptions, with the dull and useless descriptions of half-demon/vampire/angel/lab orphans running amok. So I sat down, opened the browser, and this came out of me. I hadn’t touched it since. This may even be the first time I’ve read it since then.

I love it because this raw, untamed creativity that came out of me so fully formed that touching it further almost feels like plagiarizing myself. I quickly found myself falling back into that moment of flow that had created it, swept away by a wash of that characteristic imagery and non-linear storytelling that my inner muse had been so eager to communicate to me that they fit their hand right inside of mine like a glove. That inner self, and my outer, existence as a cohesive whole. Ladies and gentlemen, writing flow!

The more I thought about it, sitting here in front of the computer to try and send my flow out into the world in hopes that it will enrich others into finding theirs, the more I saw the real similarities between all of these occurrences. Admiring paintings, steampunking bears, playing with flow toys, writing a character description; they all contain an element of playing. It’s like I stopped looking through my ‘big people’ lenses of reason and what writing ought to be, and sat down to play in the sand again. It was because this was a toy to me that I was able to let go of inhibitory flow-blockers. I threw out the stress of whatever was troubling me that day, the little sirens telling me that I should be writing this a certain way, and let my creativity pour itself out of my fingers and into the computer.

I’m a chronic writer, and I don’t plan on reforming from this ailment any time soon. Unfortunately, I’ve been suffering from writer’s block on top of this burning need to weave with these twenty six little symbols, as well as the occasional jumble of symbols. I want to take the energy I discovered here, an occurrence that had no name at the time, and filter it out into all of my endeavors. And that is how the cookie crumbles.

2010-05-08T18:16:00.000-05:00

Flowosophy Fri...Saturday. Er, well, we're running a bit late. We'll call this one.... Flowosophy Friaturday!

Gypsy is swamped with a pile of homework taller than she is so this week, for your flowin' pleasure, we have for you a guest blogger:

We’ll be celebrating Flowosophy Friday with two extra shots of unconventional. First, your Flowosoph will be none other than Julian McNichols. Second, as to pay respects to doing things your own way, Friday has been put off until Saturday. Thus we begin this very special issue, dubbed Flowosophy Friaturday!

My topic for your mental consumption comes from one of my favorite battle cries: the art of unlearning. Okay, so it doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue when you’re charging into mortal combat, but bear with me. It’s easy to say that I want to experience this kind of heightened state, this euphoria that can be brought on in even the simplest of tasks. Yet there is a struggle to find it, and its reappearance can come in forms I’d never dream of expecting.

You can flow writing a screenplay.

You can flow mowing the lawn.

You can flow just hanging out and doing nothing, as long as everything that you are is synchronous and invested in the feeling of your frumpy sweat pants that you haven’t changed out of all day.

Flow is us, us in our most natural state of being. We become synonymous with our actions, and attain without the illusion of knowledge and skill. If this experience is us, though… then why don’t we experience it all the time? I believe that this is large in part to the mental padlocks that hold our minds into a form that is convenient to society at large; somewhere in the midst of picking up the foundation for our view of the world, we are taught out of one of the most fundamental of human experiences.

Learning to flow for me has been about de-programming myself from the daily grind, from that next check box on the schedule, from all the things I don’t have yet, and throwing that analytical mindset to the wind. The second step is catching myself on the other end of the spectrum, don’t fold over to whim and laziness, even that must be thrown in the vortex. Flow in my life has been achieved in a state of mental nihilism. I don’t think about what I want to do and a way to do it, the desire is transmitted along a deeper channel than conscious thought could hope to express. This thought becomes the inclination, the plan, and the kinetic force (or lack thereof) all in one.

2010-04-30T23:53:00.000-05:00

Flowosophy Friday # 3 - Flow Blockers!! :(

Rough day. Here's the thing: beware flowblockers. I'll write more on this later.

For now...Flow Blocking. It's an evil crime that can completely rip you from the gooey center of your flowy womb...and the harsh light that floods your day once you've been blocked can be painful.

Flow blocking and being flow blocked = SUCK.

Spinwest tomorrow. Looking forward to it like Christmas. Hopefully it will help me reset.

..And I was doing so well.

2010-04-23T21:44:00.007-05:00

Flowosophy Friday #2- Flow Freely

So this week's FF is about finding flow in unexpected places.

A little bit of background. I had been wanting a stuffed animal to sleep with. Yes...I'm a grown woman seeking out a cuddly teddy bear to chase away the woes of darkness--but who are you to judge me? In addition to the cuddly companionship I was wanting something to hold while I slept to help out with weird positions I tend to find comfortable while I'm passed out. I usually wind up crossing my arms and tucking my hands under my chin, tweaking my wrists and really aggravating my already temperamental carpal tunnel. In the past I've had to sleep in braces to keep myself from doing this, resulting in a poor night's rest because my braces are incredibly uncomfortable for sleeping. Hugging the right sized stuffed animal while drifting off to Z-land seemed to be a worthwhile resolution to try.

After a purposeful visit to the thrift store and a good deal of diliberating over which stuffed animal was right for me--Hey, the teddy bear adoption process is not to be taken lightly, I wound up with the perfect new pal. He was soft, plush, and just the right size, unfortunately he was lacking in character--something I couldn't abide...but easy to fix.

After spending some time getting to know my bear I settled on a name and set to work on bringing out his personality. Gearz the Bear, destined to become a steamy bad ass, helped me spend some time with my flow this week. When I settled on steampunk as the theme for my bear I immediately felt overthrown by the need to deck him out. I started looking at pictures of goggles and costumes so I could customize and begin sketching out his new look. The goggles took over my entire day. I couldn't think of anything else. Every time I tried to slip into another task I couldn't concentrate, I would idle through the motions but all the while the steamy cogs cranked in my noggin and I finally submitted to the task of bringing Gearz' goggles to life.

The creative process washed through me, cleaning out all the cobwebs my artistic self had been feeling lately. The simple act of bonding with a teddy bear and customizing him sparked some of that creative flow I'd been working to rediscover. I remember mentioning, rather exasperated, to one of my partners that I was frustrated with myself because I couldn't focus on anything else--incuding some of the things my adult self probably should have been doing instead of playing with my new teddy bear. His response was simply "You're flowin' with your bear"....and he was so right it lit a light bulb over my head.

I was flowin' with my bear. Gearz was an unexpected window into my flow...but once I accepted it for what it was...it came that much more freely. I'm not finished bestowing Gearz' new look on him, but creatively, I feel that much more juiced now. I feel inspired, and know that as the rest of the project unfolds it will only evolve and get more enriching. He's so much more than some glorified pillow, now. He's my friend, an inspiration...and he's likely to invite my inner child out into public that much more. I'm thinking he may even make it out to a Creative Motion event or two. Gears would have a blast at Spinwest....and I think those kids would really get why he's important.

Let me introduce Gearz. He has got a long way to go before he is "done" but life is a journey...It's all about the process...even for teddy bears. Leave some love for Gears. He's already pretty damn AWESOME!

So this weeks moral in flow? Flow can come in unexpected ways from unexpected places. The only restrictions are the ones you place on yourself. Flow freely.

2010-04-16T23:47:00.002-05:00

Flowosophy Friday

My flow....has been fail. I'm working on fixing that. The best way I can think of is to talk about it. Talk about what flow means, what other people think of flow, what I think about flow, inspiration for flow, etc. etc. Sometimes my most potent revelations come from just chattering through something, and finding the truth in the refractions of light I bounce off of others.

That's what Flowosophy Friday is going to be. My reflections, my discoveries and my inspirations as I head down this path of [re]discovery.

What is Flow?

This is what Wikipedia has to say on the subject of "Flow (psychology)":

Flow is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.^[1]

According to Csíkszentmihályi, flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In flow the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task.^[2]
(Read the whole article here)

"Single-minded immersion," I like that. To me, flow has to do with so many aspects of my life, which is why, perhaps, having lost it has me feeling so off kilter. I'm an artist. My life is about creation, inspiration, and immersion. Substitute the word immersion for flow, if you will...and see my delima. This is a very important group of components hinged on balance. Without one, the others can not function.

" In flow the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand." I guess it's safe to say that, lately, I've been feeling barred from flow. It seems to be hidden behind a veil, something I can see but not experience. Distracted by elements of my life that have me stuck in such a rut of depression, stress, lack of motivation and a general disconnectedness, I feel like that perfect alignment of self and inspiration; the balance of energy, joy and purpose are lost to me. Simply stated, I want that back.

In the "carnie-community" of spinners and circus peoples where my life spends so much focus; flow is a major buzz word. Finding one's flow, groove, zen, zone, where we connect with what we are doing in that perfect way--It's what we strive for. It's why we do what we do. Flow is comprised of a collection of moments in our life where we feel most alive, we wake up each morning for our next opportunity to turn off and tune in.

I found my flow for a brief moment a couple of weeks ago. I had a very empowering day full of love and life, without an ounce of judgment; an experience that was overflowing in inspiration.

Spinwest is a new event Creative Motion just started hosting, thanks to two very inspiring spinners that are also dear friends of mine. RJ and Jess teamed up to organize what turned out to be a phenominal event. The event was hosted by the very gracious Wild Bohemian Studio in Pantego, Tx and is scheduled to repeat on the first Saturday of each month. SpinWest's debut was beyond reproach. RJ had been telling me about the energy this bunch of spinners had and how inspiring it was to watch people pick up skill toys for the love of it. Only moments in I felt it. The passion these kids had was awe inspiring and it burned like a wild fire, consuming everyone in its path. I soaked it up. I needed it.

Somehow, I was still feeling disconnected by the end of the day Saturday. Watching how excited and eager these people were to play, share and lift up my organization touched me so deeply, even made me a bit teary eyed. Yet, even with all of the motivation and inspiration I had wafting around me I still couldn't get in sync with myself. There was a short in my flow.

After we ran out of sun we moved the fun to a friends house where he promised fire spinning and some laid back hanging out. It was all the same kids. Passionate, fun and full of flow. I watched them spin fire and smiled to myself at how fresh it was for them.

A conversation imerged later on in the night about my experience with this crowd of kids and how watching them all day had really opened my eyes to how off track CM had gotten from my original vision. The growing pains of building structure for a new org to blossom had changing the essence of the group and really taken that sense of vibrant connection away. Chattering with new and old friends about my true vision for Creative Motion and opening up about what had been bothering me (and knowing that I am not alone in terms of what I had been feeling) really helped me to shed the bondage of worry and frustration I'd been experiancing. I hadn't realized how heavily I'd let some of this way on me and how badly it was affecting my ability to just let loose and play.

When we went outside again I decided to burn once before the fuel ran out. Now, I spin fire--have for several years, but its never been something I unleash in. I'm not afraid or uncomfortable, but I do feel a heightened sense of caution and consciously measure my actions which makes it very difficult for me to release and just let loose. I enjoy spending time sensing the power of the flame as I spin; revering her as an intense and beautiful force of nature that commands respect and awe. But I never let down that wall and tune in. However after that conversation I felt myself sync up. I spun beautifully. I felt, for the first time, a sense of zen run though the fire, my spinning and my spirit like a cosmic cord, binding the three things together like a triquetra of unified balance. I felt my flow. So much so that others felt it, too.

Experiencing this shift, having been so locked down then suddenly open and connected made me realize that I have a journey of rediscovery to embark on. Thus...Flowolosophy Fridays was born.

2010-04-08T16:58:00.002-05:00

   This was my first trip to the Dallas Museum of Art and, as I expected, I was not disappointed. The Experience begins before you even make it into the building. With downtown construction, towering buildings, a labyrinth of one way streets, and thoughtless pedestrians aplenty; the drive in is a bit tricky. However, after the ordeal of navigating and parking the wonderland of art that is this enchanting museum calls to me and I begin to realize that the quest to get to the building was absolutely worth it.
    I am greeted cheerfully by an open court yard with a beautiful metal sculpture (that makes their logo make much more sense.) I meandered inside and got to skip any lines for admission because I'd planned my trip on one of their free days that they have on the first Tuesday of every month. I did, however, trade ticket price for any kind of peace and quiet. I should have guessed that "free day" meant "field trip day for bus loads of noisy, rude children." They would sweep through the museum in huge waves like cute, wide-eyed locusts on parade, herded along by over-burdened volunteer parents and a couple of teachers.
    In search of a bit of calm amidst all of the hustle and bustle I treked up the stairs until the whir of little ones seemed far away. There I found the Central and South American art first, mused a while as I stood amongst art and artifacts that were ancient, and soaked in the beauty of time, change and things left behind. I really wonder what our culture will look like to future generations. I wonder if we'll leave them enough art and ideas behind for them to see what we're like or if we will continue to destroy as quickly as we create.
    I spent a lot of time in the Hindu art exhibit. I enjoyed the sculpture most of all. The detail and the mood of each sculpture was so precise and yet stylized. The Hindu's representation of the female form really strikes me. I suppose that is, in part, because their ideas of beauty so closely represent my own. I find a sense of serenity in the way their representation of female shape flows with such soft supple curves and delicate form yet is still presented in a way that implies strength, power and a sense of respect. There is nothing demure and helpless about women in Hindu art, yet there is a strong and evident sense of admiration of their softness and sexuality.
    The various representations and re-envisionings of the Buddha throughout the different Asian art styles were facinating as well. I enjoyed the way that the various styles of art told a subtle story about how the Buddha touched the lives of so many people across such an expansive space and how each different group experienced him in a slightly different way.
    The contemporary art exhibit saw a lot of my time as well. There was a pretty vast collection of different kinds of contemporary art with many different styles and themes to take in. One that resonated with me very strongly was a piece by Hans Hofman (1880-1966) of Germany called "Red and Blue Harmony" that he painted in 1956 with oil paint on canvas. The texture of the piece of art made my skin sing. It took every ounce of self control I could muster to keep from pawing across the canvas to take in the richness and depth of the picture plane. When I saw it from across the exhibit, it immediately drew me in.

   In my own art, texture and color is a major factor. To cause someone to feel like they are missing out on a crucial experience by not reaching out and touching the painting is a kind of reaction I dream of invoking in my own audience. Hofman does just that in this piece, impressively so. Instilling in the viewer a desire of physical connection to something is a profound reaction to invoke. That kind of experiance is something akin to lust, longing, inquiry, adventure. The piece is displayed alone on a wall with nothing near it to distract from its dynamic colors and intense texture. The vibrant hues are painted on the canvas with something more like a pallet knife than a brush, creating a raised texture that even causes the canvas to pucker in some places. Color seems to have been added in layers creating an interesting blending effect with a few lines of white void that look like they were made by scraping off the layers of paint down to the canvas. Amidst the chaotic spread of texture exists an array of vibrant hues. Reds, blues, yellows, greens and the murky hues created by the blending of these colors dance over the piece.
    After taking in this exciting painting I found myself perplexed by the title. I see a kinetic and exciting envisionment of texture and playful color. "Red and Blue Harmony" invites an entirely different color pallet and presentation of texture to my mind. I'll admit I don't quite understand how the title represents the painting that I experienced and was a bit boggled. I feel like I'm missing something and have been mulling over what it could be since I wandered away from this piece. I will be looking more closely into this artist to see if I can shed some light on my query and as an excuse to find further inspiration in his work. I feel that a successful work of art is about invoking a reaction from the viewer. Whether I experienced the painting as Hofman intented me to or not, I was touched and inspired by his work.
    I truly enjoyed my trip to the museum. I look forward to my next visit, and my exploration of other museums and galleries in the area. I enjoyed a sensational day of culture and inspiration. I stood in awe in front of so many works of art and marveled at how the people that had made them had touched my life and the lives of so many.

2010-04-06T04:13:00.002-05:00

"Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary."

Sir Cecil Beaton